Ibrahim Abdel Fattah Mohamed Personal bLOG

Bitter Sweet Violin

I just needed to write, write anything about anything. That’s time when a lot of feelings and emotions are thundering inside of you, actually; inside of me. Collisions, conflicts and clashes. A lot of strange events are happening to me nowadays. A lot. Imagine a violin that cries for happiness, tears of joy and smiles with pain inside. What comes next, might not have anything to do with each other, but I just needed to write, write anything, about anything.

I have a lot of dreams, much more than anyone can think, and most of them makes you feel astonished just to hear them. You might once say, “How can you even dream of this?!” But, yes, I can dream with this, even if I didn’t achieve it. It doesn’t matter how may one achieve his dream, but at least he can live a second trying to and in a way that can help him achieving it. Don’t ever tell me, “Ok, go for it, make your dream come true!” and in the same time, you put me in a cage without even windows to breath. I always say this, “I hate cages and restrictions, just give me the chance to do whatever I want to do, it’s not you who will judge me!” Let me know what is wrong and what is right.

Although I’m 22 years old, I have seen quiet some stuff in my life in which I say, I have seen some. Sometimes, I just need hints about what I’m going to do, especially in a life changing decisions. Most of those decisions are not about me, mostly about people I love, I really love. A yes for me, might be one suffering moment for someone I do care for, but I dun even know about that, and in the same time, I should choose, a yes..or no.

I love this country, but I hate how it’s ruled, from whoever is ruling it in a way that it’s not supposed to be. 99% I will be transfered next April to my military training. This is a fact I just noticed I’m about to just yesterday. And for the first time since I started finishing my military papers, I started to think about it. Just if Allah want, with all progress one might be able to do, technologies one might be able to invent or even use, mostly I won’t be able to do for 30 months of my life.

It seems this country is just about to. Ahmed Sha’ban – May Allah Bless His Soul – a soldier in the Egyptian army. He was born in same birth year I was, and was shot yesterday, dead. I think his mother, when he was transfered to our borders with Palestine, never worried that he might be shot by Arabian bullet. I wonder how did she feel when she saw this photo:

His friends are moving him from the tower where he was shot; to his grave. It was said the bullet was from Hamas. And again I started to think; Why would an Arab, shoot another Arab?! Why suddenly may I come one day and bunch you in your face? And thought, why did they say it came from Hamas, and why didn’t they think that $1000 might be a price for a traitor to do such nasty job and stick it to Hamas. And if it was Hamas, why are all those people calling not to build that *uckin’ wall while they know that the first one get benefits from the tunnels is Hamas? Why do we always care about others as long as they dun care about us? Why do we even have relations with any of those around us? and why we just can’t say no?!!

By chance while writing this post, I just read that Ahmed, died through the Egyptian bullets while shooting the Palestinians, don’t you feel that there is a guy in a grave now? Ain’t that strange? COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. Now Egypt is the Enemy?  And we are preventing help from going there?! We simply could say, no, thanks, no one is gonna use our land to go there. And then the same stuff will be said, that we are sieging them, so what would be the difference?! Keep it this way, let the war start between Arabs and let those, your REAL enemies watch you and laugh. Ah, and check this, they are in, and I’m sure there will be those who will say “بعد إيه؟”, so I’m quoting this:

“وأضاف أن السلطات المصرية فوجئت بوصول 43 سيارة (صالون) ليس لها أى طابع إنسانى، ولا تحمل أية مساعدات، ولم يتم إخطار السلطات بأن القافلة ستضم تلك السيارات، علماً بأنه تم التأكيد للجانب التركى على أن كافة السيارات التى تحمل مساعدات سيكون لها أولوية فى الدخول، الأمر الذى حدا بالجهات المصرية المعنية إلى التمسك بضرورة تطبيق الإجراءات، سواء القانونية أو تلك المتبعة فى دخول البضائع (غير الإنسانية) إلى قطاع غزة، على تلك السيارات.”

All day long, I see posts about “Free Gaza”, “Egyptians are sieging Palestine”, yeah, you was there and saw them doing so. And this really fires a great problem, Who should you believe? and Why will you believe him?

ليه لما اتقال جدار سخنتوا و انهارده مشفتش أي حاجة عن الراجل اللي مات ده يمكن حتى في ناس متعرش انه مات؟ ولا كله دلوقتي عمل فيها نايم؟ و طبعاً حد هيطلع يقوللي مهو ممكن فعلاً يكون مات برصاص مصري؟ و ليه فعلاً بقينا إحنا اللي عملنا حصار؟و ليه ميكونش الناس التانية بتألف؟ أنا مش بدافع عن حد,ولا بقول خليكو مع حد, أنا بس بطلب انكوا متسخنوش الوضع زيادة ﻷن انتوا أصلاً مش متأكدين من حاجة..

I also thought about the European Unite, how can one pass from a country to a country by just crossing a line on foot? and Why can’t we as being said Arabs do the same here and expel any black “dot” that can contaminate the whole white place.

I always believe in the conspiracy theory. I never trust anybody this simple, actually I learned this though my 22 years.

The post itself, has nothing to do with the title, the post itself has nothing to do with itself. I just needed to write anything and about anything.

..or you may would like to check other posts that can be useful..

1. I’m in Egypt
2. What are your dreaming of?!
3. Shiraz – A Violin Affair
4. when?!
5. Achievement